My Bucket List :

"Time is a teacher"- the most philosophical statement i quoted on my blog till date. Past few yrs in it taught me that after girls*, if there is anything more bitchy and that you cant trust a bit is- life.
*latest source- Roadies 6.0 :
"Never trust a girl wid innocent face" - Roop (a 22 yr old-Sane-FEmale-with an innocent face)

My latest medical report clearly justifies my idea of doing bungee jumping at 60 as feasible but as i said life is worth not to trust, so here i am pening down a few things that i want to do or want to happen to me before i bid bye for eternity or say before i kick the bucket..

1> Have that one accomplishment to prove that i can achieve more than mediocrity.

2> To go for a long drive with friends at almost mid of night, breaking signals, hitting blockades, everyone at high, though not as much as the speakers of the car.

3> To be a "sadist-at-its-best" for one day. Hurt someone, make them cry, feel miserable and pathetic and take pleasure out of it.

4> To do a samba or salsa or infact anything that somehow resembles dance and can spread the aura of romanticism to the levels of "Casablanca" or "Serendipity".

5> A dim candle lit dinner followed by a dusky moon lit kiss.

6> To feel special in a way that would wet my eyes. You knw the cliche-ical bollywood dialogue "khushi ke aasoon".

7> To give life to one of those fantasy full dream of most of my nights.. inexplicable, unsharable, tinge of errotic agreed but exotic.

P.S 1: Yet to have its taste!!
P.S 2: I dont know how to drive..
P.S 3: why ???? because "good guys finish last"... lol
P.S 4: I suck at dance.. two left feet
P.S 5: I suffer Achluophobia (fear of darkness)
P.S 6: aaahh did i said m a big emotional fool...??
P.S 7: For my friends who take interest in voyeurism, if your thoughts are like family pizza then mine is not more then its toppings, so dnt ponder over this point.
As for the rest of them, if you find any similarity or want to add in mine... let me know!!

ciao..

Resolutions--------Revisited :

Pingggg...... and there comes the most awaited sms, exactly at 2:45, usually during the boring-est lecture of the day......., my today's "horror-scope" . Among all the applications orkut have launched and i surfed till date, this horoscope really dazzles me. Seems like god himself is pinging me.....

god: Knock-Knock, beta abhi, jaaago........ more than half of the year is over and you are still there,, Mr "nobody", a dread in the thoughts of your parents, a more perturbing issue than the sinking sensex for your brother, an "ever-increasing" debtor of your sister (reminding: 7yrs younger to U), a good for nothing creature for your gf ( gf?? did u mean grilfriend ??,,,, kahan?? kaun??). Its high time beta,, to "revisit your resolutions" ..... or o/w even i wont be able to help U .....
Bbyee, TC, GOD BLESS !!

So this is how god pings me time and again and this time it was a serious reminder ( rem, " or o/w even i wont be able to help U" ??) . So time to revisit the resolutions,, made while gazing stars on the midnite of 31st dec, made wen heart was broken into pieces by a friend (!!??) on the eve of V-day, made wen keshav left forever, made wen i flunked in java n linux (1st time in any sub after class 6's maths) and made wen evrytime i talk to my parents and chat wid my bro.

New-year's eve :
1.. I will make my parents feel proud of me ( an extinct feature since i gt into bansal classes, sweets were distributed to the enitire family and even to our surly neighbour, who later gave it to thier kaamwaali, gurrr!! ) .

2.. I will rekindle the hopes of bhaiya (which were flooded, i guess during the last 2 yrs) . His dream of "Binani Inc" or was it "Binani Brothers" ....?? (dsnt matrs.... i knw wat exactly he meant)

3.. I wont spend the next new year's eve, wasting time, making "resolutions" and "gazing bursting of crackers" from behind the window, rather i would be enjoying it wid my family or with my friends in some pub with hotties arnd ....

4.. I would adhere by the quote " Never let the fear of being striking out, Keep you from playing the game". And i'll propose to HER and lay my heart of hearts infront of her, the next-nearest opportunity that will knock my door......... or even if it dsnt...........
* Heroically *
( Well this resolution in particular and unfortunately reached its expiry date sooner than expected........ my supposed to be gf is today so happy wid her bf that i cant even think of their break up,, so its kinda useless stating it in my "reso-list" any more)
carrying on.....

V-Day's eve :
1.. Never-Ever would i get emotionally involved with ANYBODY (girl is for granted). I wont become so crazy about anyone just to know in the end that you were nothing but a PROVISIONAL - friend.....

2.. I will stop, put a BIG fullstop to this ORKUT thing ( A biggest waste of time and energy..)

3.. I will only concentrate on my studies and would never think about HER..... (who HER ??)

4.. finally i derived a complex-mathematical formula to prove the importance of success over "love and gf" thingy and how its a big waste of your time and more importantly ur dad's money, "moping around in hunt for love" . The formula was called "95% - 5% FORMULA" , which became a big-hit among the singles of my college (I feel proud of myself for inventing what Einstein and Newton never even dared to give a try.... )

1st March's eve ::
1.. Keshav was at his best, on his way to the peak of success and glory, but even god being jealous dint gave him a chance to prove himself to the world.....to live, now since i hv been blessed to live this long and atleast a lil more further, so I wont waste even a mili-second of my life, brooding over any unimportant thing (i knew what exactly i meant by this "unimportant thing"....). I will give my life a better purpose to live and more importantly will work toward it....I promise !!

Thanks a ton to god, i have set my foot on right tracks now; keeping myself busy with java projects (~ my "flunked in java" resolution) .
Keep pinging god.. i would need you by my side forever..... :)
~ your greatest admirer, abhi

A SNEAK PEEK ........

After being left uncared and unattended for months.... the call came as an elixir to the blog........... as well !

Having been devotedly involved in a fling with HIS latest crush, cat (stands for common admission test, and not common aptitude test as i used to think, before he enlightened me) now days, HIS mozilla bookmarks have drastically mutated from playboy.com to pagalguy.com.....

so on one such odd occasion, i also joined him in reading this article shedding light on the ground rules of speed reading (it took me 40 days to complete "the fountainhead").....when suddenly i felt a disturbing sensation inside the bedsheet, and before i cud actually jump out of it, anticipating a minor earthquake, HE, on the other hand was nestling into his knee, cuddling the bed and was stretching his hands .................
to reach out for his cell,, vibrating.

A nano-second of apathetic look on the cell and he was transformed into a living dead, a horror portrait, a live coma, or say he became a chunk of frozen flesh wid eyes wide open..

To put an end to my curiosity, i preferred a sneak peek on the twinkling little screen of his loosely held cell. It was his friend (girl and friend) , the one HE use to brag as his best ever SHE- friend, whom he stopped talking for some "god-knows" personal reasons, months back and since then was desperately waiting for her call unto a few days before.

This, is not the first time it has happened, infact now i m as sure abt this as i m abt the gravity or god. My law would go somewhat like this....
"All the expectations remaining earthly and non-fictional, the thing u wish badly to happen, will happen the very next day, u make sure that u would be the last person it could evr transpire to........ "

HE : (ending his streak of numb and senseless barbie doll look!!) Noooooo wayss .... cuhmmon.... nt nw...... nt eva..... i dont, wnt to talk to u again.

HE : it has to be by mistake, i know she had stored my number in the name of her cousin brother's "calcutta-waali" girlfriend ..... ~sighs

// the frenziedness of his cell was clearly perceptible, it was dancing a different tune, it was teasing HIM.
stops....
Rings....
stop...
Rin...
sto...
Ri...
st...
...
...
..
..

during these 15 mins which passed with every second separated by eternity, HE got some 14 full-length calls from HER.... some he brought to silence and some, being in oblivion, he couldn't hear at all.

HE : (dripping with emotions from top to bottom.......) These are definitely not by mistakes, 10-12 times could still hv been taken as "by-mistake" but 14 times, surely seems that something terribly wrong with her, i wish not. Also i can imagine how daring and bold she would have been, to keep her ego aside and make the 1st move, whatever the reason be. Aur phir 14 call to bandi apne boyfriend ko bhi nai karti yaaar..
//talking more to himself than to me...... hellooo im heere.... just inches away and almost right infront of you....
With confidence enough to propose Angelina Jolie infront of Brad Pitt .......
HE : I m calling her.......
cell
contacts
HER
green
.
.
.
.
red
green
red
green
red
..
.
..
.
after loosing rounds of wrestle mania and done wid playing color-color wid HIS cell.... HE was finally successful to make a call, on the 7th attempt.....

HE : (struggling to breathe...... ) hello, i am rea....

HER : #&#&$?%&@*#*!!#&**
//srry evn wid ears wide open i was unable to hear a single word.... she was firing.....

HE: arreey im really very srry yaar, had my class, aahhh.... training was goin on (HE usually lies, wen he feels nervous................ his cell was perspiring......... or was it his hands ??)

HE: u mst be hvin ur local no. isnt ? gimme that and i call u back.

HE left the room and talked to HER for some 50 unbelievable mins (he wasnt expectin any further in this lifetime), durin which HE's contribution was not more than that of the trucks and auto passing by and was largely constricted to "aur bol" and "anyways", more no of times than all the words taken together.

//...... jsst a sneak peek (concerned for him, you see) !!

~ Goods and bads of the conversation.....

bads..

--->i know HE was waitin for this day, HE said this would be "HIS-dominating" day, cos HE had all the questions and HE had all the answers too, but things took a 180 dergree turn wen her above normal voice and inccessant speech , left HIM frozen, head over heels.
// I was feeling to howl like a lone wolf does on a full moon nite. But i guess 4 months were enough to stamp out evry chapter of hatred and misunderstandings, which HE dint wanted to give life again.

---> 4 mnths passed by, HE didnt talked to her but still most of HIS-side vocabs included "anyways", "aur bol", "bbbbyeeee" and "good nite" only by which HE managed to eke out a threadbare existence.

---> HE should learn to "open his mouth and laugh" rather than olwayss smiling at his best through out, so that evn the other person can know that he is indeed enjoying every mili-second of the conversation, every joke and evn the PJs.

---> Of all the things, HE asked her some basic fundamental questions (whc felt like he has learnt from a "short-term course on telephonic conversation" book). Bickering over some realy unimportant "somebodies" and "somethings" and interrogating abt her othr she-frnds was enf to make a fool out of HIMSELF, througout. I dont knw why HE cant talk a lil sense wen HE is really supposed to.(well than why not infront of HER)

goods--->

---> HE really,badly and desperately wanted to talk to HER just once, only to let her know that, HE is "not a bad guy and is nt responsible (atleast not completely responsible) for wat happened, it was the demand of time, neither ur fault nor mine" ...... // oops, it rhymes.... ;)

---> HE is very happy to get HIS friend back (he thot he wud neva see again), it was clear on
his face, in his smile....

I was sleeping (trying..... o k pretending) when HE came to the room, and started mumbling in his soliloquy.............
some promises, some resolutions....

--> never to check HER scrapbook (not even HER friend's) ever again.

--> never to give HER 5 miscalls, back-to-back ( ok nt evn 3........... fine no mscalls at all)

--> never to ask abt ne of HER bfs....... it dsnt matters a whit to me at large evn if they are "just-friends" . After all SHE is a smart kid herself.... :)

--> never to send HER senti msgs (specially the ones ending with "never call me again")

------> and all this.............. never to loose HER............... ever again....

god bless friendship......AMEN!
:)

// edited ltr..
while i was scanning my system yesternight, i found an mp3 file of liz phair's "divorce song", which i gt some time bak in the 2nd sem. Almost an year passed by, and i never heard this song. The song cant be any more worse than its actlly was(my sincere apologies for her fans (!??!) , but the lyrics throughout were engrossing enough to make one listen it atleast once. Few lines that really arrested my mind are worth posting....

............
" Just to prove I was right
That it's harder to be friends than lovers
And you shouldn't try to mix the two
Cause if you do it and you're still unhappy
Then you know that the problem is you "

Losing My Virginity.......

oh yes.........ohhhh yessss.... ~

NO its definitely not the first sensation of any middling mind that i would be talking abt.....neither has it got any thing to do with the best seller and autobiography of Mr Richard Branson..
A few days before the start of the 4th sem, unto now and going-on, i have been experiencing the inimical colors of this phony pretty looking lady witch, we better know as life. And it seems like this wayward lady has already started ****ing (contents suppressed) me with each of its adverse happenings feels like a new K S position....

confession of an innocent mind~ kurkure effect....
It started, 1st when i got caught in my neighbour's room where a hardcore booze party was going on. Well i was there to have some light snacks, they wre having with fosters. Dont knw what the fuck was the attendant doing at 1 am in the morning came up from nowhere and banged the door. I went to open the door (as my only my mouth was not stinking with the scent of beers ) and i told him that a b'day party is going on and that we are almost over. By that time inside the room each n every attempt of making it look clean and normal was going on. But as Murphy says..when a bad has to happen, it will happen anyway. 1 disposable glass with diminutive amount of beer was present got his eyes hold . Reputation of all of us were commendable till date so no further action or DISCO ( disciplinary committee) was held. Still I had to write the FIRST ever apology letter of my life ( for eating namkeens and kurkure in a room, where, why should i bother if others wre drinking or doping)

suspension~ 1 night @ library.....
Sem started, whoops im abt to become a half engineer. Results maintained their graph ( of negative slope). Then came this night just like any other night. After hving our dinner, me and kamal thought of a walk outside at 10 pm, 2 hrs after the dead line to enter the hostel. And to my dreadful fate, while returning back to hostel, the warden, dean sir and all the possible people whose presence could hv made the situation from worse to worst were present thr (hail murphy !!). A suspension from the hostel for 4 days was avowed, aghast! Well thats the FIRST ever suspension of my life and for kamal he was was counting on his fingers..........

p.s. we spend the 1st night of suspension in the library, which itself was so eventful that it demands a separate sacred space in this blog.... this blockbuster wud be posted soon....
cont...

valentine gift~ errotic.....Oops erratic....
16th edition
13th feb : 8:05 pm
Next day is V-day, for me like a special day this time, not that i was xpecting any "i like you" or "i love you" kind of mind-soothing, heart-tempting phrases, but still i was happy to hv a very special girl in my life, and it was enf to had her evn as frnd that day (also she was single to the best of my knowledge but that was hardly any bonus for me.... :P ) ; I called her and we chatted for some 10-12 mins (little shorter than our usual half an hr chit chats.......) and at the end of conversation she told me about her new found love....

That night was a little disheartening and i deleted almost all the materialistic memories of her ( she would feel awfully blissful and relieved if she'll ever get to know this............. ). I dnt knw y i was feeling this way but it was just a transient gale of emotions and very soon made i up my mind wid a smiling face to forget evrythng and treasure my best ever "she - frnd", cos at no cost, could i afford to loose someone, i hv spend one of the best times of my life with (dsnt matters if most of it was on phone only) , to let go out of my life for any stupid reason (not now atleast, when i gotta need her badly.......) ; .... :)
But the unexpected was yet to happen..
Murphy says....
leave to themselves things tends to go from bad to worse.....

she was changing (or im nt sure if it was nly me who was feelin dat way.....) and so was her attitude ; She didnt needed a frnd anymore to divulge her assorted feelings or to share the long craps with (thanks to the "johnny-come-lately"......); miscalls became a formality and msgs (what the heck are they ??) and that call turned out to be our last ever exchange of words.... Not only i lost an amazing friend but the most serious crush (could have used a better word here, but that would sound too slushy....) of my life; Im glad & content that im out of her life at the time when she is elated like never before....a brand new boyfrnd and admission to an elite colg; Well who cares, there is always-- Another-- Better-- ...............brooding over my mind, i ended up all. Atleast a 1000 questions still drubbing my mind, i was supposed to remain unanswered;
(now before i get even more nostalgic and engender a blueprint for another weepy ekta kapoor's soap let us discuss it no further..... never further.......)

p.s. There's never Another--Better........ its olwayss the "second-best" that follows.... and i got many other btr things to do..

beyond life ~ loss, unfathomable....
1st march : 8:00 pm
My mid sem is to start from the day after tomorrow and my cell starts singing.. Had she come to knw abt my exams from my orkut profile and has called to wish me up or may be its long time we didnt talk to each other and dat the wait is over...or ya possibly............... running on my mind i took the cell and a no point guess........ that it wasnt her........
Preeti, my cousin staying in chennai had called me. I didnt took mch long to find out that she was sounding different, very different from her usual 10 sec long Hiieeeeeeeeeee......
putting end to my utter disgust she told me that Keshav is no more....and bursted into tears. gobsmacked, I hanged up the phone, went outside the hostel and only 1 thing beating my mind "what the fuck! i hv send him a get well soon sms last night only" i spent the rest of the night thinking about him. I have never been to any party or any social gathering without him, more than just being my 1st cousin, he was my bestest bddy in cal. What am i goin to do now in cal what about the durga puja night outs...holyyyy fuck! how could this even happen to him, he is just 18, never fagged,neva doped, never drunk nt evn more than a novice like me..... 2008 is turning out to be a bad omen for everyone (with a few exceptions, founding new loves and getting admissions to their dream place) but dnt know why i still wanted to talk to her, may be cos she always managed to bring a smile on my face, either telling me the stupidiest crush stories of her life or by the poorest of jokes dnt knw how she cracks them so well, her infantile accent and smtimes just listening to her melodious angle like voice was more then enf (and for the next 1 month i wanted to....and i waited too) but no big surprise that she was soo happy and busy with her ongoing life that she hardly ever felt the absence of any friend (frnd she once said "i like you"................. duh);
Life's sch a bitch......I would write a whole new article on this keshav-mishap in my later posts....
cont....

Xshtraa toppings ........

I lost in a literary competition, sensex sinking down,nt studying well, gym is all-over, not evn making it to the podium in the quiz events (call myself a hardcore quizer), routine is comp disturbed..... are i know not the points worth mentioning here but its just like adding toppings to the sequence of unfortunate events happening with me (not that significant) but with people around me and people i love....
Its not the 2 more months this sem has to go (and probably this curse as well) thats making me overwrought. But.........i m really missing all the fun and................... friends

another fish in the deep blog sea........

A solid hunger for writing, giving words to the broodings of this self-acclaimed 24 hr LOST IN THOUGHTS mind (notice the time of post..2:22 am) and to utilize the leisure-full usually useless lecture time led to the strong urge for the induction of this blog 2day.....
many most of the times in my life i hv failed to give mouth to my heart, feelings that would have mattered soo mch to that other person (who was the reason behind it....) or atleast to me, lay dormant and then gradually got burried deep inside my heart, soo deep that i started feeling its pressure on my day to day life......
and then no more.....
by now it must be clear that this blog deals with no high intellects or thesaurus words but emotions of a mind thats yearning to take shape....

Feelings are not supposed to be logical.... Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.....

and in this divine process, the byproduct emerges out as a "cerebral tonic for smitten souls".....